I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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