Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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