If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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