im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
