His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
