OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
