You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
