Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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