So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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