i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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