piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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