The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
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Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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