So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
