You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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