Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
