I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
