We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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