I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Dick very happy bro
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
