ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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