and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
