Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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