I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
