He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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