It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
