What a fucking waste of an outfit
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
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Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
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Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh