4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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