Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
