Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.