A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes