Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...