im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities