I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
