I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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