They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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