Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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