found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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