hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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