So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
