Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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