I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
