He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
