planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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