i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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