i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
