just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
