Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
