do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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