It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
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She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
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She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize