dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
