I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
