new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
