I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
