I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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