I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just invented taco cereal.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
