Welp...herpes.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
