I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
