you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
