omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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