I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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