i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
