Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
