...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
