things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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