i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
