how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
