Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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