I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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