One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
