my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Even my vagina gasped.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
