so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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