We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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