I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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