Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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