so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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