I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
