my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
